Don’t Give Up

I used to think that everyone elses life was different and more better than mine.  Then I found out that a family member of mine drinks.  Yes, this was a turning point for me.  A reality check I suppose.  I never thought that she would go down that path but, when she revealed that to me, I was kinda shocked.  Slowly, but surely, I have been listening to the stories of countles other people whom I thought their lives were peachy-keen.  Same shit all the way around.  “I wouldn’t have married him had I known what I know now…he’s an alcoholic,” says one.  “My husband is disabled so I work two jobs, ” says another.  And on and on it goes.  I start to wonder at what point did I drift off into la-la land in my life?  Why the heck is this so shocking to me?  I’ve always known that other people have issues too, so what the fuck?

The human spirit has a tendency to not give up, no matter what the circumstances are.  When the human mind says, “Oh your not good enough, ” the human spirit answers, “Oh yes you are!  Keep going!”  But a reality check sometimes is in order.  Not everything is as glamorours or as escapist as we would like it to be.  How do we as humans cope?  We try to get away from it or we go through it with the strength of our human spirit on our side.  My spirit is constantly telling  me to get the fuck up and try again, every single day.  It doesn’t tell me that its going to be easy, no, that’s what the imagination is for.  It does tell me that I am more than capable to at least get the fuck up and try again.  So I listen and get up and try again.

I become frustrated many, many times.  Standing up isn’t easy to do either, yet I am thankful that I can even stand at today’s date.  For nearly seven years I could not use my legs as effortlessly as I used to in my younger years.  A few years ago, I found out that I was walking on a collapsed hip.  It depressed me something awful.  The idea that I could not walk again brought me down to a level I had not been in before.  I struggled to get out of those depths.  I researched depression and did what I could about health and exercise and such, but there was only so much that I could do on a collapsed hip (which is extremely painful by the way and I don’t wish that on my worse enemy if I’ve got one).  I tried mindulness techniques, taking my supplements, and going out for the shortest walks I’ve ever experienced.  Eventually, I received a hip replacement.  My spirit won yet again with its motivational short speech.

Now, it speaks to me again.  It continually is reminding me not to give up.  “Don’t give up!” it says, over and over again.  You see folks, I’m facing another small dilemna, one I’ve faced before.  This time my spirit says, “Don’t give up! Find a way!  You can do this!”  My dilemna?  Finances.  My husband and I recently moved to Texas from North Carolina.  It was my husband’s idea and I went along with it.  I quit my job on the belief that here would be much better, and easier, to find work.  Once again, it didn’t turn out that way.  Now, I’m just tired of all of this bullshit.  I worked hard in NC to get work and get back into being a good steward of my finances.  We get here and find that we are struggling again!  It is very difficult to find the motivation to get up and keep going.  I was so angry with my husband and daily I try to find the motivation to do something different in this situation.  I’m at the point now that I’m not angry nor am I thinking of getting even.  I’m on survival mode now and needing to work pronto!

Currently, we don’t have a vehicle…….yet.  The bus routes are only to town and not so far out west and walking is the only thing I can possibly do at this moment.  Is it irony? I don’t think so.  I really do miss my work and the people I worked with.  I can’t spend too much time reminiscing because my spirt won’t allow it.  “Wake up and smell the coffee even if you have to make yourself a cup!” it says.  It is frustrating some days, yet I still get the fuck up and I don’t give up.  My life is not yet over and I cannot spend it on remembrances, regrets or anger.  I just have to continue to be me…determined, loving, honest, motivated (the list is pretty extensive so I’ll just stop right there for now).  I look for work via the Internet and think about ways on how to get to the interviews should there be any.  I can only hope at this moment that there will be several interviews all in one shot but I also have to be realistic and continue to apply.

I often think that I am missing something.  I’ve thought about creative ways to do this job search and getting to where I need to go.  I have hope, motivation, spirit, determination and Internet connection (thankfully). Not everything can be done on the internet though and I miss having the social connections needed to keep pressing on and looking at other areas that are in walkable distance.  I’m clearly trying to figure this out, folks.  I’ve looked in most job banks here, like LinkedIn, Glassdoor, Indeed, etc. and have applied on those as well and found that they basically have a repeat of what the other job banks have.  There’s only so much that one can do to revamp a resume without having to embellish on experience or decorations on the paper.  I’ve listed most of the transferrable skills that I possess and those I’ve gleaned throughout my years of employment.  Hence, the title of this article, “Don’t Give Up.”

It is definitely tempting, and easy., to do so, just give up.  My mind would like me to believe that I am stuck, but my spirit says that there is so much opportunity to be had.  I am going to make a breakthrough, I just have to take it easy on myself sometimes, as I tend to overdo it a little.  Stress management techniques, like taking walks, are helpful at times.  I also peruse positive and motivational quotes continuously, which are also helpful at times.  Sometimes I just cry and cry and cry, then I get up again and keep going.  I just don’t give up.