Love

“…You are precious in My Sight, you are Honored, and I Love you…” Isaiah 43:4

(Originally penned early morning 5/12/24)

Happy Mother’s Day!

Love is an ACTION word (a verb).

There is really no excuse, absolutely none, that can stop you in reflecting love in an active way!

When an action is taken to change a situation, perception concerning the situation changes, you change in the most ACTIVE sense!

Say you’re grieving, for example. It can be a loss of any kind. A variety of emotions often accompany, or branch out, down from that main emotion, making you feel a lot worse.

Validate how you are FEELING first and foremost. By stating, “I am FEELING (insert emotion),” as opposed to, “I am (insert emotion),” it changes things. Words are made to understand, not hurtle. State what the feeling is instead of cursing yourself into something that will take longer to heal.

You’ve validated how you are currently feeling. Now comes the release of the emotion. Cry, laugh, do somatics, go to therapy…LET IT OUT!

Now comes the hardest part for this emotional example, and that would be changing perspectives (heck for any strong emotion really). Instead of lamenting about what was, what can be done now? If it is the passing of a loved one, why not creaet something in their honor that will help others? Why not volunteer or create jokes or create a support group? The ideas are endless! I wear a police angel badge in honor of my brother. It reminds me to stay on the straight and narrow, even when times are hard and that narrow path begins to bend. At my stepfather’s wake, we all laughed and joked about like absolute ding dongs because he was always joking around and laughing.

Love is a wonderful thing, it’s worth keeping in the ebb and flow of it.

Another example is healing. I’ve scoured through many articles in my own personal journey and I’ve come to recognize that one size does not fit all. Healing is seemingly difficult at times and requires a great deal of love and patience with oneself. I read somewhere that it is recommended to have social support. However, not everyone is built the same and folks in the boonies sometimes do not have, or want, that type of luxury. What then?

Again, love encompasses many, many things and one of those things is necessity. Necessity is the mother (no pun intended) of all invention. Being that I currently reside in the boonies, have no mode of transportation accessible or available to me at this time and I only have one friend that lives an hour away, I have to be very creative at self-love. When doing things like cleaning/tidying up my room and mowing the lawn, I must change my perspective. I think about how much I enjoy the outdoors (in the boonies there’s plenty of it) and I think about how much energy flow will be gained through cleaning and organizing my space. I write (as I am doing now), I spend time meditating, reading, creating art and exercising. I purposefully choose to love myself actively. I honor my ancestors, remembering their best, most authentic qualities and I find ways to bring them into my current situation. I do this in the good days and the low days. On my low days, I still show up by praying and doing somatic exercises or whatever I can do, a little at a time, so as not to create more overwhelm than what I might be experiencing.

These actions take practice. Lots of practice. If all I can do is look at a screen, I can honestly say it will mostly be educational in some way.

Love in action, whether towards oneself or in the memory and honor of another, is quite cathartic. It doesn’t take the pain away, it helps to heal it by transmuting it into a positive action. If pain can manifest itself itself in the body, it can also be used to create positive purpose. It doesn’t need to be suppressed, it can be released lovingly, with gentleness and kindness, understanding and patience (all branches of the vine of love). You’ll find that the best thing you can do to validate your pain is to own it, work through it, then release it through a loving, most positive avenue.

It isn’t as easy as it sounds. It takes consorted (per Oxford Languages on Google search, the archaic definition of this word is agree or be in harmony with) effort with love, an understanding of any strong emotions that make you feel like crap. an understanding of oneself and, most importantly, it takes a great deal of practice. The baby steps taken on the low days do count.

I pray this helps you in some way.

Know that you are not alone and you are loved beyond measure.

Stay blessed and be a blessing!

Wsdmwthn

Healing: A Personal Journey

(Originally Penned on April 16, 2024)

It’s not about ridding yourself from the pain. It’s not about holding on to it either. When emotional pain comes up into the mind, it is an opportunity to work through that part of yourself, gently, compassionately, with great understanding. Learning how to recognize the event and the people involved, the place involved, etc. Understanding why and how the attachment occured and, lastly, reintegrating that part of you that already belongs to you back into self, fully healed, becoming a stronger, more unified, whole.

Every bit of emotional thought is a part of the whole. Every part bears some form of fruit. It isn’t cut off but worked on and understood. These are the parts that, when made stronger, becomes a stronger part of self. Those events that once affected you negatively, will no longer affect you negatively. One does not detach from those parts, one detaches from those that need to heal those very parts. Therefore, when faced with a people who spew negativity or are suppressing their own loving vibrational frequencies, because of their own negativities, you are able to be shielded by ANY of those influences. They cannot affect you!

It is every individual’s responsibility to mend their own broken and painful parts. The way that exercise and physical therapy are required to ease pain in the physical self, for the purpose of building those parts that case us pain and discomfort, so do we rebuild those parts within us. I am talking about dissociation, depression, wanting control over outcomes, etc. Those things stem from a deeper need of wanting to be accepted and seen, as well as lack of understaing about one’s own vulnerabilities.

Once we understand that exteranl forces cannot provide us with those things, we can begin to take that journey within, and become to ourselves what we felt we needed. Once we take that step, and make the continuous effort to do so, we begin to understand, with much more clarity, such biblical verses such as, “He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world (1John 4:4)”, “No weapon that is used against you will defeat you (Isaiah 54:17)”, “You are precious in My sight, honored, and I love you (Isaiah 43:4)”, and “He is my shield and my fortress, of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalm 27:1).” I can go on and on with these truths. Verses such as these take on a greater life from within you. Healing and reintegrating those parts of yourself from an internal perspective brings to full life, and force, the verse “God has not given you a spirit of fear, but of Power, and of Love, and of a Sound Mind (2 Timothy 1:7).”

I began to understand this with ever increasing clarity. Working from the inside out, in conjunction with proper exercise and eating, continuing the creations of new neural pathways in the brain and other active participation in one’s own life, creates a brand new you overall. A you that has always been there.

Clearing out the clutter does not mean suppressing it or discarding it. I found the only things I discard are false, limiting beliefs of myself that belonged to other people and truly has nothing to do with the narrative of myself and how God truly sees me. So, when discarding, I simply return to sender, with the understanding that the person or even that expected me to carry them and their burden, is no longer allowed to do so. Hence, the verse that ends with “…for my yoke is easy and my burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30),” is truth. Literally gospel truth.

One thing most folks fail to understand here. A person can go to therapy for many years, practice mindfulness for many years and have a belief of a higher power for many years. Nothing wrong with that, do you in the most positive way possible. However, they all need to be practiced in private with much fervor, with a deep desire to not remain comfortable with the current state of being. Only chipping away at it at the gym, or the mat or a couple of memorized mantras or Bible verses or once a week in talk therapy, will not cut it. Consistency is key here, effort is key, active participation to heal is key!

The work that is done in private, utilizing each and every tool that we gain in the areas mentioned above, as well as the tools one already has within, tends to bear stronger and more durable fruit! Furthermore, you are rebuilding, recreating from that which exists and turning pain, chaos and confusion into calm and clarity. Truly an armor of God, indestructible in the face of any and all adversity. You learn not to chip away but to USE those pieces, those shavings, those parts to reconnect yourself, aligning yourself, mind, body, emotion and Spirit/Self.

Every piece of you is important. They are similar to having children. Children carry a portion of your DNA, a portion of yourself, in them. If they were in pain, would you suppress them? Would you discard them? Nej! You’d make every consorted effort to understand them and guide them through it so that, when they’ve finally matured, they do so with a healthy mindset and strong Spirit/Self. The same treatment should be applied to our inner selves, specifically when the external world has not provided such a nurturing nature.

So now we come full circle here. We are fully responsible and capable for healing ourselves. There are no excuses. We cannot say we have no help from others. Recognize that, when it seems that there is no one else around you, you have people speaking to you, whether it comes from a memory of a loved one who has passed, in books, in nature and history, in pets and greenery, in the Bible, on YouTube, etc. If you have the time to binge-watch CSI, you have the time to watch motivational videoa. If you have the money, and will go to great lengths to buy cigarettes, you also have the money to invest in your wellbeing, in yourself (anything that isn’t going to destroy you). If you won’t neglect your children’s needs, why, then, should you neglect your own? Even without children, it is your portion to live, and lead, abundantly and prosperously.

I encourage you to start right where you are, in this moment, with the tools that have been made available to you!

Remember always that what is done in private will be rewarded in public, that the light of a candle cannot be hidden and what you reap you will definitely sow!

May you remain blessed and calm, may you reach great heights of clarity, and love deeply.

Wsdmwthn

The miracles I’ve witnessed: A personal testimony

I met E.W. at the Salvation Army shelter in McAllen, Texas, during the beginning of the 2018 summer months. During my stay there, I also met a group of both fellow homeless folks and the staff of the shelter, people with dignity, integrity and beautiful character and honesty.

E.W. was a man in his seventies with the most beautiful blue eyes, osrt of like the color of the ocean that is clean an sparkly. We had all become close, bonding not on what brought us there, but on surviving the moment with grace and laughter. E.W. had a very traumatic incident happen to him during a time in life that he was in the middle of enjoying very much. His wife and daughters were killed in a terrible auto accident. He’d lost his entire family due to an accident, regardless of how or why it occurred. For years before entering the shelter, a place where our souls met and converged, he became distant with others and nearly embittered by the tragedy. He wouldn’t celebrate holidays or birthdays. He didn’t even seem to want to celebrate life. The only thing that kept him doing was God, his relationship with God, and the hope of seeing his wife and daughters after his time on Earth was done.

During our short stay at the Salvation Army, we all quickly began to embrace each other, to gather around outside, smoking cigarettes, joking, laughing, talking. We had seen the wild green parrots coming in from Mexico and perching leisurely on our American utility cables. We had seen hundres of thousands of Monarch butterflies blanketing a clear blue Texas sky during their migration into Mexican territory. We all had witnessed God in all His glory together.

Slowly, but surely, E.W. began to smile more, his beautiful blue eyes sparkling like shimmering stars. Towards the end of our stay there, I noticed that he’d saved anough money to purchase a vehicle and, eventually, landed a job on an offshore oil rig in Mississippi. He is still in Mississippi to this day.

Need more proof? God’s grace and mercy is new everyday, so, here’s another witness testimony direct from yours truly.

In August of 2022, I had to return to Wilmington, NC to live in my car again. I had to leave Orlando, FL due to circumstances out of my control and that won’t be mentioned here. I did not allow that setback to deter me. I went back to Wilmington, filled with new ideas, determined to get out of my situation. Towards the end of September 2022, I had landed a job with a private law firm through a temp agency and was hired permanently, in January 2023.

In this position, I was a legal assistant, working under the supervision of one of two attorneys at the firm. My attorney was responsible for personal injury, workmen’s comp and Social Security claims and appeals. I handled the Social Security claims and appeals admin work. This position required a lot of telephone and person-to-person contact with clients and potential clients, looking for assistance with applying, and becoming qualified, for Social Security benefits. The process is daunting and intimidating for those who do not understand the legal process of it and my job was to help them through it. However, that was not the only skillset that would need to be used.

I’ve recognized, throughout years of professional and personal dealings with varied communities, that people are often not heard, ignored and misunderstood. This position was no different. Again, I met the most beautiful souls with disabilities, all trying to live another day. All praying for the pain to go away. All seeking to be seen and understood without judgment.

One client in particular, whom I’ll dub New Day R, was in the throes of prescription addiction and I had inherited his case from the former assistant. He would contact the office from time to time, highly strung, inquiring about the length of time to process the Social Security claim and updating us with any medical visits or new ailments. Then, one day in February 2023, he called and I noticed that he no longer sounded high strung. When aI pointed this out to him, he revealed that he was attempting to sober up, for the last time. You see, New Day R had experienced many traumas in his life, including the murder of one of his daughters (she was 7 or 8 at the time of her passing). I immediately encouraged the beginning of his healing journey. His relationship with his adoptive parents was nearing its breaking point and he was fast approaching his breaking point.

Afterward, every two weeks or so, I would receive a call with an update. Each call would last close to 2 hours. Each call would include encouragement and motivation. In June 2023, he lost his adoptive father to an illness. As close as the relationship had grown between. the two after his decision to get clean, and as deeply hurt as he was for this latest lost, he still questioned the reasoning behind all of the losses he had endured while remaining firm to his commitment of recovery. He might not have seen it the way I did. I saw and recognized that he had finally come to the reality that he could not control the external situations happening around him, he could only control how he healed. He might have seen it as standing firm in his commitment only because of what he revealed next. After about a month of not hearing from him, he called and expressed that his sense of responsibility to the adoptive mother, and the appreciation for his parents standing by him when he had no one else, was the overriding factor to not dwell on the grief he felt inside. He instead wanted to honor his father and do right by his mother.

By December of 2023, New Day R had established a renewed relationship with his adoptive mother, found and established a relationship with his birth mother, had been present (and sober!) while each of the had surgeries, returned to work part time as a cook for the New Day Cafe in Leland, NC, and had done all of this despite his physical disabilities, and met a girl at work! The fear, anxiety, pain and disappointment all but disappeared from his voice by the time of our last call together. Shortly thereafter, I was fired from that position, for reasons I will not disclose here.

Sometimes our paths seem too rocky to traverse, let alone stand on. Some days seem so much better and lighter than others. There are seasons in our life we think are too much to bear. But, wait! There’s more!

In July 2024, I accepted a position with my alma mater employment place, NC Child Support Enforcement Agengy in Wilmington, NC. This time it was through a brand new government vendors. I had high hopes for this one. Nonetheless, I was knighted the new Establishment case manager.

I had to come into contact with many, many clients on both sides of the spectrum. One in particular was a female custodial parent that resisted me for nearly two months. She had wanted the same treatment she’d had with the former Establishment case manager, even after explaining he was no longer with the agency and the agency was under new management. She had two cases that required her absolute cooperation. Her frustration increased even more as she refused to reveal pertinent financial information necessary for the judge to rule equitably per North Carolina Child Support Guidelines. I held firm, which triggered her frustration, her anxiety and much misundestanding. Finally, it had to be explained to her that a minimum order will be ruled upon should her information not be submitted and she would have to appear in front of the judge, in person. That got her to come in and meet with me, for the first time since I inherited this case, nearly after two months.

The meeting turned out to be pleasant and informative….AFTER the deescalation of tension and frustration and the mire of misunderstandings. Relieved and attentive, she was able to relax and open up concerning her own struggles and traumas. I referred her to an intensive, week-long trauma therapy, a free program in Wilmington, NC that requires a 9am to 5pm commitment. About two weeks later, she informed me by email that she had signed up for the program and was set to begin the process. I was thrilled! Of the 10 to 20 people that had sat in front of me that I had referred to this program, and this one person was brave enough to try it. I was over the moon (and, no, I am not a cow).

Miracles happen all the time, in all circumstances, situations, moments. Life is filled with such miracles! If we take a moment to take our focus off of our own issues, we are able to see clearly our Most HIgh God in full action mode!

Whereever you are in this moment of your life, whether you are homeless, in a shelter, living in your car, staying at hotel, working, not working, pregnant, not pregnant, in the supermarket, taking a walk, etc., stop for a moment and look around you. Be a witness of the goodness of life and, if possible, be a part of it!

I hope this helped the one who needed it right now. Stay blessed, ya’ll!

wsdmwthn

April 14, 2025 Orlando, FL

If you would like to share a personal testimony, I am all ears. You are precious, you are honored and you are loved.

I ask that you do not plagerize in any way, shape or form. This article is for informational and educational purposes. In other words, it is created to inform and educate those who come across it. Be respectful and you shall be treated in kind. Thank you.

Don’t Give Up

I used to think that everyone elses life was different and more better than mine.  Then I found out that a family member of mine drinks.  Yes, this was a turning point for me.  A reality check I suppose.  I never thought that she would go down that path but, when she revealed that to me, I was kinda shocked.  Slowly, but surely, I have been listening to the stories of countles other people whom I thought their lives were peachy-keen.  Same shit all the way around.  “I wouldn’t have married him had I known what I know now…he’s an alcoholic,” says one.  “My husband is disabled so I work two jobs, ” says another.  And on and on it goes.  I start to wonder at what point did I drift off into la-la land in my life?  Why the heck is this so shocking to me?  I’ve always known that other people have issues too, so what the fuck?

The human spirit has a tendency to not give up, no matter what the circumstances are.  When the human mind says, “Oh your not good enough, ” the human spirit answers, “Oh yes you are!  Keep going!”  But a reality check sometimes is in order.  Not everything is as glamorours or as escapist as we would like it to be.  How do we as humans cope?  We try to get away from it or we go through it with the strength of our human spirit on our side.  My spirit is constantly telling  me to get the fuck up and try again, every single day.  It doesn’t tell me that its going to be easy, no, that’s what the imagination is for.  It does tell me that I am more than capable to at least get the fuck up and try again.  So I listen and get up and try again.

I become frustrated many, many times.  Standing up isn’t easy to do either, yet I am thankful that I can even stand at today’s date.  For nearly seven years I could not use my legs as effortlessly as I used to in my younger years.  A few years ago, I found out that I was walking on a collapsed hip.  It depressed me something awful.  The idea that I could not walk again brought me down to a level I had not been in before.  I struggled to get out of those depths.  I researched depression and did what I could about health and exercise and such, but there was only so much that I could do on a collapsed hip (which is extremely painful by the way and I don’t wish that on my worse enemy if I’ve got one).  I tried mindulness techniques, taking my supplements, and going out for the shortest walks I’ve ever experienced.  Eventually, I received a hip replacement.  My spirit won yet again with its motivational short speech.

Now, it speaks to me again.  It continually is reminding me not to give up.  “Don’t give up!” it says, over and over again.  You see folks, I’m facing another small dilemna, one I’ve faced before.  This time my spirit says, “Don’t give up! Find a way!  You can do this!”  My dilemna?  Finances.  My husband and I recently moved to Texas from North Carolina.  It was my husband’s idea and I went along with it.  I quit my job on the belief that here would be much better, and easier, to find work.  Once again, it didn’t turn out that way.  Now, I’m just tired of all of this bullshit.  I worked hard in NC to get work and get back into being a good steward of my finances.  We get here and find that we are struggling again!  It is very difficult to find the motivation to get up and keep going.  I was so angry with my husband and daily I try to find the motivation to do something different in this situation.  I’m at the point now that I’m not angry nor am I thinking of getting even.  I’m on survival mode now and needing to work pronto!

Currently, we don’t have a vehicle…….yet.  The bus routes are only to town and not so far out west and walking is the only thing I can possibly do at this moment.  Is it irony? I don’t think so.  I really do miss my work and the people I worked with.  I can’t spend too much time reminiscing because my spirt won’t allow it.  “Wake up and smell the coffee even if you have to make yourself a cup!” it says.  It is frustrating some days, yet I still get the fuck up and I don’t give up.  My life is not yet over and I cannot spend it on remembrances, regrets or anger.  I just have to continue to be me…determined, loving, honest, motivated (the list is pretty extensive so I’ll just stop right there for now).  I look for work via the Internet and think about ways on how to get to the interviews should there be any.  I can only hope at this moment that there will be several interviews all in one shot but I also have to be realistic and continue to apply.

I often think that I am missing something.  I’ve thought about creative ways to do this job search and getting to where I need to go.  I have hope, motivation, spirit, determination and Internet connection (thankfully). Not everything can be done on the internet though and I miss having the social connections needed to keep pressing on and looking at other areas that are in walkable distance.  I’m clearly trying to figure this out, folks.  I’ve looked in most job banks here, like LinkedIn, Glassdoor, Indeed, etc. and have applied on those as well and found that they basically have a repeat of what the other job banks have.  There’s only so much that one can do to revamp a resume without having to embellish on experience or decorations on the paper.  I’ve listed most of the transferrable skills that I possess and those I’ve gleaned throughout my years of employment.  Hence, the title of this article, “Don’t Give Up.”

It is definitely tempting, and easy., to do so, just give up.  My mind would like me to believe that I am stuck, but my spirit says that there is so much opportunity to be had.  I am going to make a breakthrough, I just have to take it easy on myself sometimes, as I tend to overdo it a little.  Stress management techniques, like taking walks, are helpful at times.  I also peruse positive and motivational quotes continuously, which are also helpful at times.  Sometimes I just cry and cry and cry, then I get up again and keep going.  I just don’t give up.

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After a deep sleep

So now I slowly awaken.

So many things have occurred after the holidays.  Even my gratitude journal lay dormant for a few months while changes occurred, as if a whirlwind entered my space.  Much upheaval, many thoughts to cope with, to sort out, and always, always fighting the demons of depression and physical pain.

Then there’s realization.  The realization that hope still lives in me.  The realization that I can get through this.  The realization that I am stronger than what I believe I am.  Just beginning to settle down in an old, new place, I find that I sometimes become overwhelmed.  Then I laugh at myself and tell myself, remind myself actually, that I’ve been here before, that all I need to do is tackle things at an organized pace.  I finally pull out my gratitude journal and begin to write again.  I come here and begin to write.  I cannot forget my purpose.  I have a story to tell, even if it is in bits and pieces.  I am shy in person, but I do not feel the need to be shy here.  I can speak to you as if I know you and you are getting to know me.

I am protected by anonymity yet I am known.  My words speak of years that have passed by and times that are coming and moments that are presently current.  I simply cannot forget my purpose.  I still have goals to achieve and a long journey ahead, yet I still have time to gaze at the blooming trees and the way they seem to be ablaze in the morning sun.  God is good, I tell myself.  I am thankful for the ability to see such beauty and to contemplate it.  No negative thought can take away what is before me, the sprawling carpet of farm, the trees enclosing it, marking its territory.  A reminder of when life gets too busy yet the beauty remains.  Even when life seems dormant, it is still beautiful.  When it awakens, it shows off its splendor for the world to see.

I, too, am a part of nature.  Like nature, I slowly awaken.  I shift my gaze and look upon that which is praiseworthy and excellent, real and untouched.  I see how everything changes, slowly, ever so slowly, nature adapts to its seasons.  It follows the flow with accurate precision and I follow it.  We both meet the sun and point our faces toward it but we don’t miss our pace while we grow.

This is what happens after a deep sleep.

Super Genes, A Willing Servant (Book Review)

I found this book to be an interesting read.  While there is a basic understanding that what we think and our environment and what we eat affects us overall, Super Genes helps the reader to see how deeply our lifestyles affect us.

Part One explains how the “memory of personal experience…may be immediately passed on…” to future generations.  This part helps the reader to understand the importance of how environmental and social factors affect us directly as individuals and future heirs of our genetic makeup.

The authors suggest that ‘what happens to you today…is recorded at epigenetic level…potentially passed on to future generations.’  Therefore suggesting that if one changes one’s life, our future offspring (and their future offspring) would fare better when faced with life’s circumstances (especially the negative, stressful life circumstances).

The authors further suggest that our genes first adapt to outer (and the inner) stimuli before mutating or transforming into something more permanent.

Part two deals with diet, exercise, sleep, stress, meditation, and emotions.  In this part, the authors state that ‘we begin with the lifestyle habits that send positive messages to your genome.’

This section is meant to open the reader’s eyes so that the reader makes more conscious choices toward positive lifestyle changes, including those of environmental and social stimuli.

Another key point that I found attractive was the section on inflammation.  Those of us who suffer from depression should be aware that inflammation and depression are in close correlation, as well as inflammation in other parts of our body.  While inflammation is the body’s way of fighting off infections and diseases, it can also have a negative effect when it becomes chronic.  The authors explain, and tackle, inflammation in “Getting Rid of Inflammation.”

Part three talks about the most common illnesses that most people face in today’s date and time.  Illnesses such as cancer, type 2 diabetes, Alzheimer’s Disesase, and depression, to name a few.

Overall, this book is meant to take the reader into the exploration of how one’s thoughts, emotions, environment, and eating habits affects the reader deep within the entrails of our body.  Wow.

I received this book for review from Blogging for Books.

The Professor Is In: A Book Review

This book is aimed at, for the most part, those who are looking for tenure track positions.  Generally, it explains how a graduate student should not self-sabotage in the application process and at the interview.  Otherwise, I found many points of interest in this book.

The author, Karen Kelsky, begins this book strongly, opening with an idyllic scene (a retirement party for a professor), where wide-eyed graduate students are fed false expectations of grandeur.  Dr. Kelsky then pours upon the reader the ice-cold reality that grad students will eventually have to face.  She continues on with quantitative data and factual annual gross incomes, comparing that of a tenured position to an adjunct position.  These are similar to that of a receptionist/front desk position and that of an administrative assistant.  The receptionist (adjunct) does equal or more work than the admin assistant (tenure) with less pay, with no chance of climbing the proverbial ladder.  What shocked me the most was that “adjuncts at institutions of ever rank often qualify for welfare and food stamps.”

Dr. Kelsky adds a bit of background of herself and how she came across the discovery that graduate students weren’t receiving the advice that would be needed for a grad student to succeed in their job search.  The author basically bursts open the doors and reveals the real struggles that grad students often face during their final years in school and their first years of job search.  The author reveals that grad students are simply sent off on their own, not just blindly reaching for something they might not get, but also lost and confused on how to obtain what it is they start out seeking.

The author provides great advice in this book, where she recommends that it can also be used by those who are planning to seek out graduate studies.  It really does help knowing what to be aware of before, during, and after graduate studies.

She goes on to explain, and prepare the reader, of how a job ad is formed, what kind of candidates are favorable to a universtity search committee, and how to present yourself and your work to make it to the top “acceptable” candidate list.

Dr. Kelsky goes step by step in the process, detailing every process right down to the reference letter, providing pragmatic approaches for the graduate student, regardless of age and experience in job search.  Of course, she throws in common sense, basic steps that every job seeker should already be aware of. For example, I found that Chapter Five was a basic tutelage on interview behavior that all job seekers of every level should already have learned and mastered.  There are workshops on this subject that are readily available, even to those job-seekers who are in the low-income bracket. In Chapter Forty-Eight, she recommends to “get everything you negotiate in writing.”  In Chapter 36, the author reminds the reader how to handle outrageous questions by stating, “You have control over your responses.  Also remember that you are not obliged to volunteer information out of codependent concern for your questioner’s comfort.”  In other words, you keep the focus on the purpose of what you are there for, even if you have to shift the focus back on that fact.

Lastly, the author touches on subjects of student debt, taking the step to leave an adjunct position, and what to skills can be used post-academically, and ends her book with a chapter on declaring independence, a subject that has been pronounced repeatedly within the book.

I recommend this book to anyone of any age, seasoned or beginner in job search techniques, graduate or undergraduate student, looking to put their prospective degree into use in the dog eat dog world that is the job market.  It is a useful resource book that should be shelved in one’s own library. The author has used a “been there and done that” approach, and has contributed deeply useful information for those who want to take their passion to a place where it should be.

I received this book for review from Blogging for Books.

Ways to Beat PMS Stress and Negative Thinking

Folks, regardless of your sexual orientation or gender, we all go through some form of PMS in our lifetime. I don’t know about you, but I go through heck and back every single month and the symptoms vary. I could be the happiest go lucky person people would love to get to know. Or I could be the meanest bitch around, where people run away screaming. Then the thoughts that go though my mind about my husband are horrendous! This is the time when I start seeing the very worst in him: how lazy he is, how bad he smells, how loud he chews, well, you get the idea. It is the most uncomfortable time for me. So, this early morning, I dreamt of ways on how to beat PMS stress. Yes, folks, I dreamt it. In fact, it was the last dream before awakening, so I still had it in my mind and decided to evolve it a little by trying to make it humorous and write a blog about it.

In my dream I was telling myself to research ways to overcome PMS and its varied symptoms.  A little hard to do since the symptoms are never the same. But I gave myself little ideas, like color therapy and cooking with my husband (or at least doing something nice with him). Small, seemingly insignificant things, will take away the focus on negative thinking, dissolving it with positive action. And the stress level will go down so that hormones won’t be uncontrollable jumping jacks. With that being said, here goes a few suggestions:
– Watch sad movies:
Yes, make it a marathon! Sometimes PMS makes a person very emotional. I cry at the drop of a hat. So, make a playlist of movies, by hand or by some special app, collect the DVDs that make you want to cry (only you know what they can be), and make a day of it. Cry your eyes out. It’s okay to cry you know.

-Read a book (or several):
With PMS comes depression. With depression comes a need to escape. The most healthy way to do that is to read a book. Whether it be a romance, action, psychological thriller, or non-fiction, the need is the same. Make sure that you are comfortable enough in your spot, get your tea or coffee (ginger tea is best since it decreases inflammation), and get
to reading.

-Play a game:
I personally enjoy hidden objects games. Most usually have a story line, then puzzles, then hidden objects scenes. Yours could be role playing games, like the Legend of Zelda, or it could be Pokemon (yes, I like Pokemon and I’m not ashamed to admit it), or it could be a Sudoku or crossword puzzle. No matter what the game of choice is, your mind will remain active and in the moment, and the negative thinking will whittle away in the background.

-Write:
Create a journal or several journals. Create something positive, like a gratitude journal, where you would have to force yourself to see the positive side of your life. Indeed you do have a positive side, such as your accomplishments, your family, your husband, what you’ve learned, etc. This will shift your mind from thinking negative thoughts to the more positive things in life, and help you feel much more better about life in general. You can also blog your thoughts, if that makes you feel most comfortable. In whatever format you choose, write it out.

-Do something with your significant other:
You can cook, go for a walk, do something crafty, learn about cars, etc., when you engage with your significant other. You’d be surprised at what you can come away with if you really ask questions, even something simple like changing the oil and the oil filter in your car, or why does your significant other enjoy doing certain things. You can recommend going to a museum, taking a short course, or going for a drive. If your significant other refuses to participate, don’t worry. Some of these things you can do on your own. This applies to those who are single as well. Which brings me to the next suggestion.

-Learn something new:
Life is full of new and exciting things. Wish you can draw? Then be bold and take that first step. You can go to classes, get on an online course, or go to the library and take out a book on the subject. Want to learn how to use that expensive camera you got last Christmas? Again, same as above. Want to learn about mindfulness, meditation, and chakras? Again, be bold and take that first step. You will not regret it. In fact, you will be accessing parts of your brain that you normally do not use. You will also learn how to beat stress and stop negative thinking in a constructive
manner. I’m not going to ask you to believe me. Try it for yourself and see.

-Color therapy:
Break out the crayons and color! Seriously! If you have coloring pencils and construction paper, even notebook paper, then color! Do whatever design you wish to do. It has a relaxing effect on your mind and helps to focus your mind and bring you to the present moment. There are also mandalas that are used for coloring on the web. Just pick one, print or save as a .jpg, and color (you can also use the Paint mode from your computer to color them in). Do a Google search on mandalas and it will give you a list of websites from which to choose your coloring mandalas.

-Food!!:
Just watch what you eat. It is tempting to go for the high fat, high calorie, high carb, easy to make and quick to eat, junk food hidden somewhere in the kitchen. But I encourage you, even dare you, to try something new. Make something from scratch. Try a vegan dish, or a Thai dish. Try a different way to make chicken or beef or pork. Like sandwiches? Make a Cuban sandwich! Try a low-carb dessert, with fresh fruit. There are loads of websites out there that you can search and loads of books at the library. Check it out!

-Exercise:
Simply going for a walk is exercise. You pump blood to the heart and create more oxygen to the brain. Make it a fun walk. If you have a smartphone with a camera, take pictures! It doesn’t have to be professional-style photos, folks. Take photos of what interests you the most, even if its your feet while walking, a house that has a certain appeal, the architecture of a building, etc. If you are the creative, crafty type, then window shop. Get ideas from the things that are on display in stores. How many times have you gone into a store, ready to buy something, and told yourself, “I can make that!” The whole point is to enjoy your exercise. Jump rope if you have to, just enjoy it. You will be releasing any pent-up stress, as well as endorphins, the “feel-good” hormone, which will make you, well, feel good.

-Got kids?:
OMG! I could go on and on with this section, but then you won’t read my blogs anymore, so I will be concise. If you have kids, the things you could do! You can cook with kids, have a picnic with kids, laugh with kids, face paint with kids, walk with kids (make sure you carry snacks), make snacks with kids. The things you can do with kids is infinite! Don’t have children in your home but love kids? Volunteer! Become a Big Brother/Big Sister, babysit, tutor, etc. So many things that can be done when there are children in the mix!

-Listen to Music:
I love listening to music. I listen to all types (except for rap. No offense!), and it just fills me with joy!  Make a playlist according to moods, or listen to all of your songs at once. Singalong with them or just create new dance
moves in the privacy of your own home. Don’t worry, no one will know (except me because I recommend it). If you have access to the internet, use YouTube to find different forms of dance and lessons, like salsa or country line dancing. You can do this alone or you can do this with your children or your dog. Play the music loud (if you can) or listen to it on
your headphones. Music is universal, enjoy it.

-Take a long warm (or hot) bath:
Does this really need explaining? Use whatever form of aromatherapy you have on hand, whether it be essential oils, bubbles, bubbles with essential oils, or just plain Epsom salt. Add music and candles to the mix, and you’ve created a nirvana of your own. If baths are not your thing, or you just have access to a shower stall, then take a shower!  Water helps soothe aches in your body, and the sound of water helps soothe the soul. Couple that with nice smelling body wash and shampoo/conditioner, and you will step out of the bathroom feeling like a new person (certainly not like the one that stepped in). Even if you have children in the home, this step can be done in the early morning, and again in the evening,
when everyone is asleep (sans music).

I sure hope this list of suggestions help you find new ways to beat PMS stress and negative thinking. I personally use many of the methods on this list, and they help a great deal to shift mental perspective and negative moods. Because PMS can last for many days at a time, I find myself using several methods in a day, throughout the entire time I’m PMSing. I hope this helps you as well.
If you have additional suggestions/comments, feel free to add. I’m always looking for new ideas to inspire and motivate me to do stuff.

I’m so happy that you stopped by today. I hope that you have a very pleasant and lovely day.

The Power of Surrender: A Book Review

I really enjoyed reading this book. From the very beginning, starting at My Initiation Into Surrender, to the end, Embracing Ecstacy, I found that I could hardly put the book down.
I found this book to be of interest because of the author. Dr. Judith Orloff is a bonafide psychiatrist. However, unlike psychiatrists that I’ve come across, she is a very spiritual person, and even dedicates this book, The Power of Surrender, to her spiritual teacher. So this isn’t just a clinical type of book, where techniques of mindfulness, cognitive behavioral therapy, or conditioning isn’t the only thing explained, but it is mixed with the warmth of spirituality and really looking inwards, where most of life’s answers lurk and where true love can really be found. The author’s work here sort of reminds me of the works of William James, a psychologist who believed that, in order to properly diagnose someone, one must look at all aspect of the client’s life, including the spiritual side. Dr. Judith Orloff is modern and crisp at her approach to psychiatry. I can only wish that more psychiatrists would follow this path instead of giving us clients the cold shoulder and endless medications that do not work and create more side effects within our bodies.
Dr. Judith Orloff starts the reader off with explaining what her experiences were when she began to put the power of letting go in the section entitled, “My Initiation Into Surrender.” I found myself relating to her almost rebellious yet kind nature and her need to get out of society’s status quo. Her need to be different, albeit following the footsteps of her parents, led her to discover a different aspect of psychiatry and medicine that her parents were unable to tap into in their time. This has helped Dr. Orloff not only experience the ecstacy of letting go, but also has allowed her to help countless other people in this process. And she reminds the reader that she is there with you every step of the way. Dr. Orloff reminds the reader to be “someone who wants to become everything you were meant to be and more.” Who doesn’t want that?
Dr. Orloff goes on to explain that surrender does not equate weakness, powerlessness, or being a pushover, in the section “An Introduction To Letting Go.” She talks about assertiveness at the right moments, regaining control of your life, and letting go of what no longer serves you. She explains the issue of reconditioning oneself, or reprogramming oneself from old habits and beliefs, letting go of drama, looking within oneself (which is probably the most challenging aspect in this book for most people), and recognizing that you are not what you thought you were in the negative aspect.
Dr. Orloff separates “The Power of Surrender” into parts. The author explains that these parts are the areas of most interested to the majority of people and she couldn’t be more correct. She starts off with Part One: Power and Money. Many, many people may find these subject areas quite daunting. And she explains exactly what kind of people find them daunting by writing about specific money types followed by useful meditation and surrendering techniques that will help these types see money and power in a different way.
Part Two: Reading People and Communication explains that reading people is not a personal thing, rather an exercise into understanding what the next person is going through without bias or judgment from your part. In other words, keeping an open mind when faced with people from different backgrounds than yours. The author also provides helpful surrendering techniques to be able to read people accurately. The author states, “People who read others well are trained to read the invisible and fine-tune their senses, including the sixth sense.” She goes on the explain the importance of communication and how potent it can be in everyday life. Again, the author provides useful surrendering techniques so that one can become an effective communicator. Dr. Orloff explains, “Impeccable communication means relating to others with compassion, flaws and all.” For some people, that can be a hard pill to swallow. Here she outlines the different types of communicators and asks that you be as honest with yourself as possible without judgment.
Part Three: Relationships, Love, and Sensuality delves into an ever popular area of the when, why, and how’s of relationships of all kinds. Dr. Orloff begins this part with an introduction of the Sixth Surrender: Honoring Soul Mates, Soul Friends, and Animal Companions. Yes, folks, animal companions. Here is where everything gets even more deeper. Indeed, the author forces one to look deep, deep inside to recognize all of the barriers one might have built against true love, by recognizing obstacles we put up ourselves and why. One of Dr. Orloff’s techniques here is the Surrender Old Relationship Rules, Create New Ones where the reader is again made to look at their own behavior towards relationships and take old bad habits and replace them with effective techniques. She also explains surrender strategies for soul mates and soul friends and animal companions. This part also touches the subjects of the Seventh Surrender: Exploring The Divinity of Your Body and Sexuality, where it explains how to pay attention to what your body is telling you (for example, if you’re sad, cry) and surrendering to the subtle energy in your body or your chakras. The authors further talks about surrendering to a positive body image, something most people have a problem doing. The Eighth Surrender talks about igniting sexual power. Here the author explains how to “get out of your head” and allow passion to flow. She lists the Ten Qualities of a Good Lover and Common Killers of Passion and goes on to explain how “orgasm is the crown jewel of surrender.” Here there are many surrendering techniques to look into. The Ninth Surrender requires the reader to look at the natural world and its sensual essence. Yes, the natural world is sensual. Here the author teaches how to look at the world around you with a different perspective: Night and Day, the trees, flowers, the sound of birds and frogs, stones, caves, earth, water, fire, the air, in short everything pertaining to nature. This third part will have you looking at yourself, and the natural world around you, in a very different way.
Part Four is dedicated to Mortality and Immortality: Cycles of Light. The author helps the reader to see illness and pain by providing surprisingly common sense strategies and five ways to heal yourself by surrendering to intuition (page 292). The author states to “use these along with information your doctor offers about various treatment options.” I found this part very useful, as I am currently dealing with a degenerative illness and I have faced depression, fear and have been “frozen in inertia” because I went from being vibrant and active to nearly bedridden. The Eleventh Surrender explains experiencing radiant aging. This surrender helps the reader to accept the changes that the aging body requires, to deal with the mental and emotional aspects of aging, explains the several factors of aging, and spiritual aging. The Twelfth Surrender refers to death and its concepts, includes a meditation journey into death, mourning and surviving loss, and even asks what is your perfect death.
Part Five entails the final surrender, embracing ecstasy, basically celebrating the blessing of joy. Dr. Orloff states that “being joyful is a courageous choice which makes your path of surrender vital and thrilling.” She continues by saying, “By consciously embracing joy…you’re declaring, “This is the person I want to be and can be.””
I read this book from cover to cover. I found that most of the surrender meditations were more useful to me if I recorded them with my own voice and listened to them at my highest relaxation state, before going to sleep. It helped me to see a part of myself that was always there, once I got out of my own way, and quieted the constant negative chatter in my mind. I recommend this book to anyone who has tried conventional methods with little to no results. While Dr. Orloff suggests that one can read this book from any starting point, I recommend reading it from the beginning. It is meant to change the reader’s perspective not only in the areas mentioned above but also from how one sees oneself. She also suggests not to judge oneself and to keep an open mind. I agree. The techniques in this book will help the reader see a different side of themselves, probably in a way they have chosen not to see. Like the Bible says, “You shall know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” I hope you enjoy this book as I did.
I received this book on September 14, 2015, via UPS Ground, in really good condition (paperback version), from Blogging for Books for an honest and unbiased review.

On depression, photography and mindfulness

For a long time I have had struggles with the constraints of depression.  The way it just sneaks up on you sometimes and threatens your overall well-being in a matter of days.  Sometimes the overwhelming sensation of falling, like Alice going to Wonderland, just takes too long to subside, and the journey may seem long, dark, ominous, and bleak.  Then there was the longest battle I’ve had with this dark side of humanness: two years of depth, with a lot of prayer, a lot of support from my husband (who really made an attempt to understand what was happening to me), and the determination to take that daunting climb out of that underground cave.  I went from studying the effects of the Stanford Prison Experiment (of which I felt my circumstances were similar to), to having a collection of positive quotes and even studying a textbook on positive psychology.  I’m not crazy about taking pills for any condition, especially if I am aware of alternative methods, such as proper psychotherapy and psychiatry skills, so whatever I was prescribed was short-lived and really did not have the effect on me as the doctor felt it would. Only I knew what I needed and I sought it out as vigorously as I could.  Still, I was not completely out of the hole.

As I began feeling physically better (I was suffering from a severe case of gouty arthritis on the knees), I wanted to go out more, to socialize more, to change my perspective more.  Slowly, but surely, that is what began to happen.  My husband and I moved from one place to another and the change was exactly what the imaginary doctor ordered.  We went from an overcrowded and loud city to a rural paradise that only God Himself can create.  I was born and raised in the city, but my heart and soul were meant for the countryside.  My husband and I still struggled, but the environment was set up to be able to surpass the struggle, or at least go through it with a much clearer mindset.

We arrived in rural upstate New York toward the end of July and was very surprised with what I saw.  Of course this was not my first time traveling from the hustle and bustle to an absolutely serene countryside.  But it had been a few years passed for me, and my body, my mind, and my soul and spirit welcomed it with such wide open arms.  The air was cooler and cleaner and everything was so green.  In fact, we were in Greenville, NY, part of Greene County.  No lie.  Oh and we lived right across the road from a creek.  But I digress.

Basic Creek, NY 81 (West), Greenville, New York 12083 (Original photo by Yvette Roman)

That August, my husband bought me an HTC One M7 smartphone and I loved the equalizer on it very much when it came to listening to music, but, little did I know the larger role this phone would play in the upcoming months.  As the summer months turned into fall, which then turned into winter, I found myself falling again into the throes of darkness.  This time I decided to take a proactive approach to this situation.  During previous studies I had encountered several ways to fight the battle against depression, including but not limited to, eating well, taking supplements, daily exercise (even simple walking), meditation techniques, and mindfulness.

This tractor was just sitting there, near the bank of the creek. Greenville, NY (Original photo by Yvette Roman).

According to Wikipedia, mindfulness is ” the intentional, accepting and non-judgmental focus of one’s attention on the emotions, thoughts and sensations occurring in the present moment, which can be trained by meditational practices…”. (See Mindfulness).  Wildmind.org also defines mindfulness as ” … the gentle effort to be continuously present.”.  (See What is Mindfulness).  Wildmind also states that “in mindfulness we’re concerned with noticing what’s going on right now.”  So, I took that very seriously and began searching for ways to practice mindfulness by noticing what’s going on here and now.  I decided that it was time to take whatever I’ve learned so far about battling depression and putting it into action.  I will take up photography.  So I did.  With an HTC One M7 smartphone.

I love barns and sheds. They have such character! Greenville, NY, along NY 81 East. (Original photo by Yvette Roman).

Because I also have a physical disability (arthritis) I decided that walking, not briskly, but at a leisure pace, fulfilled the physical exercise portion of the no more depression workout, and allowed me to also take in the scenery with a different eye.  And I saw everything!  The sky, the bare trees, the old pickups nestled in their parking space, a field tractor near the creek, the snow, the sun, the signs….everything.  I attempted to learn what I could about my smartphone camera: ISO, shutter speeds, special effects, macro, etc.  It was a little frustrating at first.  I was seeing everything around me with a different set of eyes for the first time and I had an innate desire to capture what I saw with my eyes on digital film.  It wasn’t working out.  But mindfulness isn’t about rushing into anything, it is about being present in the moment, sort of like living in the moment.  So I learned a new craft, slowly.  I became better in my photography as time went by.  I learned more about the technicalities of photography in general (there is so little out there about smartphone photography techniques).  I joined Facebook photography groups.  I even created my own photography group entitled, Nature Photography. (See Nature photography. This is a private group.).

This is the center of town, near the cross streets of NY 81 (going east/west) and NY 32 (going north/south). Greenville, NY

Today, I still consider myself an amateur photographer and I photograph when the opportunity strikes (always!).  I still haven’t upgraded from my smartphone to a digital camera but that’s okay.  I still haven’t learned fully about other functions and ways to manipulate the way photos come out.  I try my hardest to publish my photos in its original content, meaning no special effects and no editing, like the one shown above.  I think and feel that my photos reflect their honesty that way and can also be seen differently and more creatively if naturally blurred or if the environment is naturally two-toned.

Basic Creek, overpass view, facing southwest. Greenville, NY

Car bridge facing Red Mill Road, off of NY 81. Greenville, NY (Original photo by Yvette Roman).

There are many ways to fight the depression monster: one is learning something new, another is practicing mindfulness, yet another is watching what foods you put into your body.  I searched Google for many, many days trying to find creative ways to do things and new things that I can learn to do. So, if you find yourself having a blah moment, suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder, depression, or anything that clouds your mind, first seek the advice of a physician.  Second, do some research.  Third, do something new and different.  The list can continue from there.  Live your life now, my friends, not tomorrow.  And if you have other helpful links, please feel free to share.

I am grateful for you and I hope that you live in the moment.

At the boardwalk headed toward the beach, Kure Beach, North Carolina. (Original photo by Yvette Roman)